The Thought of Losing You
by mishaminion42
Summary: Dean knew that him and Cas had a "Profound bond" as Castiel put it, but he never knew how profound that bond really was.
1. Chapter 1: Dreams

AUTHORS NOTE: Ello jello, so this is my first-ish fanfiction bare with me please!

ALSO... the italics are Dean's dream.

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Deans POV

Sam and I had just finished an exhausting yet thrilling hunt chasing after a group of demons; as always we didn't get to leave without a few minor wounds and bruises.

As we pulled in I looked over at Sam, he was out cold, as I smirked at myself I yelled, "OH SHIT!" trying so hard to suppress a laugh threatening to escape at any moment.

He jumped up and yelled "GOD DAMMIT, DEAN!" he glared.

"Oh c'mon it was worth it." I said knowing it'd piss him off.

"Jerk."

"Bitch," I said giving up and laughing my ass off. He started laughing as well, then instantly making a face of pain. My eyebrows knitted together and eyes widened with worry, as I simply said "You okay, Sammy? Cas should've been there to help us, even if it was to heal us with his angel mojo." I said as my face fell, somewhat annoyed.

"Yeah, where has he been lately" Sam asked as if I should know.

"The hell if I know?!" I snapped, instantly feeling guilty, "Sorry. Tired."

I quickly apologized; and with a small nod understanding me he said "Right, well, lets get going then."

Knowing I get cranky when i'm tired he handled with the bitchy receptionist. Once he got the keys he led us to our room, it consisted of two full size beds and it was a bit nicer than the other ones yet it still had that cheap motel vibe to it, which I found strangely comforting. Soon Sammy decided to take a shower; I then packed my stuff away in the drawers and such. Making sure my gun was underneath my pillow; I slowly took off my jeans and shirts only leaving me in a white tee and plaid boxers, fell backwards on my bed closest to the window and door, so I could protect Sam better, and with a content sigh I drifted off into a much needed sleep.

_"NO, Cas! Don't leave me, you can't leave me!" I was holding his lifeless body against my chest, yelling those words that I have always denied myself and always left unsaid; "You can't leave me, Castiel you can't ever leave me 'cause...I...I love you...I love you so damn much..." I said those words over and over again, hoping if he heard me he would come back to life again...except the only thing that happened were violent sobs that wrecked my body._

I woke up at 3:00 in the morning by a loud sound of metal banging; laying on my stomach, I slid my hand under my pillow to grab my gun. "Dean, it's me." I heard a deep, familiar voice say, as he puts his, warm soft, hand on my forearm. "Cas?" I asked even though I knew it was him, and with that he pulled his hand back while saying "Yes, Dean." I instantly missed the contact; the way he said my name was just so...WHAT THE HELL, DEAN, ITS CAS. Pushing those thoughts aside he caught me off guard, "Dean?" He said curiously. "Uhh...what? Sorry. Wait, what are you doing here?"

"You were calling my name in your sleep, I came down to check on you, but you looked alright. I was just about to leave when I heard that noise, you heard it too. It was just a car getting towed, and no it was not your 'Baby'. I made sure." He explained mostly emotionless.

"Oh...Okay..uhm...thank you for checking up on me and my car." I said hesitantly

"You're welcome" he said as he held his breath as if he were about so say or ask something else.

"What is it, Cas?" I asked letting him know it went noticed.

He sighed. "You sounded...scared and...worried when you called my name. Dean would you please tell me what you were dreaming of?" He asked, then taking a huge interest on the way the carpet was stitched, but this time he there was pure curiosity in his voice.

"Uhmm...I.." Then it all came crashing down like a waterfall. I instantly remembered the dream and I instantly felt those feelings; with all of that overwhelming me a single tear made its way down my left cheek as I sat up to look him in the eye.

"Dean...?" He asked worriedly.

"I'm okay, Cas. I was gonna say that I didn't remember it, but it all came back and...I...I dreamed that you had been killed..." As I told him that, I was trying my best not to break down that wall making me the man that i'm supposed to be. "I found you lying lifeless on the sidewalk and...I.. should've been there to protect you,..you're family, Cas!" I yelled; instantly regretting it because Sam woke up, glared at me then went back to sleep.

I turned my head to Cas and said "Let's continue talking about this outside." I quickly put some pants on and grabbed my jacket, then walked outside.

"I know it was just a dream, but I can't stand the thought of losing you; I know you say that you are supposed to look after me and I, but..." There was so much to say and I couldn't man up to it.

"Dean...I understand, well not completely, but I will try for you." He said almost shyly

"Cas, if anything happened to you I'd never forgive myself."

"Dean is there something you're not telling me? I know I don't know humans and their emotions very well, but I'm not stupid and I know you are hiding something." He said with a mixture of worry and curiosity.

"I don't even know what I am trying to say, Cas! It's just in my dream I was a mess and I was telling you that you couldn't leave me and that I...I loved you" I told him almost ashamed.

He walked up closer to me and gently placed his hand on my shoulder, pulled me close and said "It's okay, Dean, it's going to be okay"

I knew it was but it didn't keep me from feeling this way.

"Cas, I..." Hesitation overpowered my courage.

"You what, Dean?" He asked while tilting his head in confusion; his bright blue sapphire orbs for eyes, met and searched mine for an answer.

"I think...I think I am in love with you, Castiel." I finally confessed after all this time of denying it for so long; meanwhile my heart was pounding against my chest.

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SORRY LOVES BUT

TBC

oh and review what you think what will happen... this shall be fun.


	2. Chapter 2: I Finally Have You

gahhh thank you guys so much for the reviews and everything here's chapter two! have fun!

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Castiel's POV

I never really knew how humans put up with emotions; it confuses me.

While i'm desperately looking for answers in the older of the two Winchester brothers' face my eyes lock on to his for a countless number of minutes, I noticed again how truly green his eyes are.

Then he spoke those words that I had been longing to hear because I believe that I have been feeling the same way for quite sometime.

"I think...I think i'm in love with you, Castiel." he confessed almost shyly

The way he said my name made me release a breath I was unaware of holding, unfortunately that went noticed, which caused him to tense up and say.

"I should go back; pretend we didn't have this conversation, okay? Uhhhm I didn't mean to disturb you, Cas. Just pl..."

I quickly moved my hand from its place on his shoulder to the crook of his neck and pulled him in for a kiss to stop his ramblings. I learned that from the television shows that I have seen.

The kiss was heavenly even though it only was just his lips against mine and occasionally his hand would run through my hair, and my hand his; knowing just how simple it was made it feel so right.

I pulled away slowly but not moving my hand but a bit to his neck again. I kept standing where I was knowing that now he most likely didn't care about personal space. After that I said what I have been dying to say for months.

"Dean, you know we have a profound bond between us, and I have known what I have felt for quite a while now and going from what I know about you humans I know that my feelings for you go way beyond a "profound bond" because to me you are my fathers greatest creation and you amaze me everyday. Now knowing you would do anything to protect me, who is so much stronger than you and so much more powerful, makes me believe that you have much more courage than I, and that it will all be okay. Even though I like being somewhat in control and being able to take care of others, it is comforting to know that, you are willing to do so for me. For that Dean Winchester, that is why I am so in love with... you."

When I said those words, his eyes widened in disbelief. While he said.

"Cas, you do? But why haven't you told me yet?" he asked with a blend of mostly curiosity, a little bit of pain and accusation.

"Dean, you know how I am with my people skills. Also, I value our friendship far too much to let that be a problem... if it were to be." I simply said

He sighed "Cas, do you really want to do this? Do you want a relationship with me? Its not that I don't, I do for the life of me oh how I do, its just that I have never felt this way before, even with a woman. I'm not gonna lie its gonna take some getting used to and..." he trailed off but he didn't need to say it, but he did anyway "...and honestly i'm scared, i'm scared be cause everyone who I care deeply for gets hurt, and after that dream I wouldn't be able to take it if you got hurt, Cas." he said sadly

By this point he seemed to be out of breath and tears were welling in his eyes.

I took a little bit to process what he had said and to find the right words.

"Cas?"

"Dean, I just told you that I am in love with you, so of course I want to be with you. I understand your complications with people you care about but I want to be with you. Don't worry we can take this as fast or as slow as you wish, its all up to you." I explained

He took a minute to figure out what to say, I love that face he makes while thinking.

"Thank you, so much, Cas. You have no idea how much this means to me, how much you mean to me, and it may take time but I want to tell the world that I finally have you. You already know that I need time so there isn't much else to say."

"Dean, I do know, because I am looking at this person. Also, like I said we can do what you want at the pace you want it, its entirely up to you. Just as long as we never let go of each other."

"Okay, Cas, okay. I'm really tired. I should go back to sleep. Will you stay with me, well us, Cas? Please?" He asked, and I could see the fear in his beautiful green eyes. To that my heart sunk.

"Of course, Dean, of course."

We both walked back in, Dean looked at Sam, crawled back in bed and soon fell asleep. While I was watching over the Winchester brothers.


	3. I have decided!

OH MY GAWD thank you all for your reviews and whatnot it all means so much seeing as this is my first fanfiction ever. AND I WILL CONTINUE THIS STORY, and I am going to dedicate it to **OnyxDay **because this person helped me decide to continue by telling me that I had to. haha.

It may take a few days seeing that my co-writer **wikedmunsterkitty** has a birthday coming up, so I am writing her a story as a gift!  


Loves you all

Laters -AH/mishaminion42


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